The Wal-Mart Curse

It’s inevitable for me that the moment my 5 year old and I walk into a Wal-Mart my perfectly behaved child turns into an un-caged animal.  He instantly morphs into a whiney child who darts here and there having to touch everything he sees and stating “if I don’t get this I’m gonna die!!!” just loudly enough so that the man three rows over can hear.  As a single mom, I’ve attempted to curb this behaviour by allowing him to visit the LEGO isle to look, but only if his behaviour is acceptable while shopping.  He’s mostly well behaved, but on some occasions he doesn’t get to go.  All hell then breaks loose and he’s sent to bed early as punishment with tears streaming down his face saying “you’re the worst mother ever!”.  Sighh….Oh to hear those words and all because he was denied a  look at the LEGO isle.  I hate to break it to you kiddo, there’s going to be much worse that mommy denies you as you age!

So this leads me to the question, why do people feel the need to put us moms down when out with an unruly child?   

I’ve had on occasion people say to me “Do you see what YOUR child is doing? Was HE raised in a barn?”  Actually yes I do, and at this point I’m trying to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible to lesson the stress I’m creating on you in this public place.  Now you’re taking up my time and I feel more like a failure as a parent then I did 5 seconds ago.  Thank you for that! 

I don’t see why as a community the comments need to be flung at each other that our children have “ruined my dinning experience”, or that we should “get a grip on your kid!”.   I’ve heard way worse, not only spoken to me, but also to some mom friends I have.  I don’t get the need to vent to parents how frustrated their children are making us.  It’s not polite and really only makes the already sensitive situation 10 times worse by adding those words. I’m not perfect, nor are you, so why hurt with the cut throat comments?

My dear mother (bless her soul) had four children, and had many experiences of defiance from us, sometimes all at the same time! How on earth did she cope I ask her?  She states that she would leave the store immediately, forgoing whatever she was in desperate need of out of embarrassment.  She wouldn’t dare continue a conversation with someone while their child was wreaking havoc.  She would deny herself adult interaction to deal with us promptly, so as to spare any embarrassment.  The result was that she hadn’t had a decent conversation with people while we were little but we all learned to act accordingly while in public.   So I state to her that this cannot always be done.  Especially in the case of a single mom, who’s time is spread so thin, and resources to “leave child at home” are just not possible.  What on earth can one do? 

Well I could cave and give him everything his little heart desires to keep him in line, resulting in a child who grows into a self righteous, lazy and entitled adult.  Not on my watch!   Or I could punish him, the “old school way” and spank him once at home (or in the car – as I’ve witnessed many times) and send him to bed wishing he had a better mother.  Hmmm….yea that doesn’t work for me either. The guilt trip is too costly on that one!  So I resort to speaking to him calmly (but with authority), telling him all the wonderful reasons why he’s not getting this or that, all while ignoring the stares of other “perfect people”.  Then I put a smile on my face, maybe laugh about it and then get the heck outta that store ASAP!   I know from experience that comments are coming.   I know someone is just dying inside to express to me their feelings about how my child is ruining their peaceful Wal-Mart experience.

So you may ask, what can be done to mentally prepare for a Wal-Mart trip?  

I could tell you simply “don’t take it to heart” or “ahh just ignore them” but that just doesn’t cut it.  So here are some thoughts:

1. Most importantly remember that everyone’s children have driven them to the point of insanity (at least once). There are no exceptions, and anyone that tells you differently is either lying or they have amnesia.
2. That no mom is super women or even close to perfect in everything she does. Remember what you see on the outside could be crumbling inside.
3. That everyone has an opinion and a need to express it at some point (especially in Wal-Mart). 
4. You cannot control your children.  Teaching them to act as respectful, self aware and thoughtful individuals is key, not getting them to obey you out of fear.

And lastly, when all those suggestions fail to make you feel better remember that those people are just mean.  It’s not their fault they act that way because someone treated them like that first and they just don’t know any better!

Or…..maybe they were the ones raised in a barn!